Confessions of a Tired Senior

--- I only have 3ish assignments to finish before I graduate... I have no motivation for any of them.

--- The goal is to send out our wedding invitations next week... Only half of them are addressed, I don't have stamps, and we haven't stuffed envelopes yet.

--- I had to Google the correct spelling for "envelopes."

--- Graduation is less than two weeks away... I consider myself in complete denial that so many people are leaving, including three of my dearest and closest friends. It's easier not to think about it.

--- My graduation dress will look best with heels... But I'm seriously considering wearing sandals because I am TERRIFIED of falling on my face while walking across the stage.

--- Dreary weather + Monday = looong school day. I yawned while I was teaching :/ Not a good sign. Luckily (not so luckily?), my students were as out of it as I was.

--- I had to look up how many days until our wedding. There are only 75 :)

There you have it. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm being a debbie-downer... I'm not trying to be! It's been a pretty good day overall. I'm just feeling a little lackadaisical!

10 hours sleep + 20 hours driving ... 3 days

Yes, that was our weekend a week ago. We're crazy people. :) The sweet ladies at Adam's home church were throwing us a wedding shower that Saturday afternoon in El Dorado, AR. Then we found out that Southern Seminary was hosting a Preview day on that Friday... in Louisville, KY. Eh, close enough. We decided to attempt both!

So! On Thursday afternoon, we made the 10 hour drive from school to Louisville, KY. We spent Friday at Southern Seminary where we met incredible professors and students. They began the day's events with worship and a message from Dr. Russell Moore. He is the first pastor I've heard in a long time who reminded me of Dr. Rogers. His style of preaching and friendly demeanor helped me feel very much at home. The rest of the day contained a faculty lecture, a tour of their beautiful campus, Q&A session with current students, info fair, faculty dinner (where we sat with their President, Dr. Mohler), and finally a Q&A with Dr. Mohler and Dr. Moore. To say the least, we were impressed! This was our first look into the Seminary life, so we have nothing to compare our experience to. For now we are just waiting to see what God has in store.

After the events at Southern, we drove to my Grandparents to spend the night Friday. I think we were at their house for a total of 7 hours, which included sleep, shower, re-packing, and a delicious homemade breakfast. We were exhausted, but God gave us the strength we needed. After breakfast, we left for El Dorado at 9:30. Our shower began at 3 o'clock and it takes 5 hours to get there. 30 minutes of "buffer time" turned out not to be enough to handle our 2-hour issue with the car. Grr. I hate feeling out of control. I hate being late to things. I learned yet another lesson in patience! Adam was gracious with me and God was gracious with us. We were both safe, the car issue was easily resolved, and we arrived to our shower an hour late. People were so sweet! They immediately told us not to worry and not to feel bad, etc. We were overwhelmed by their encouragement and generosity.

As a side note... This was our first wedding shower and they allowed both guys and girls. When Adam and I walked in, there was a long table filled with gifts. Adam quickly leaned over to whisper in my ear, "You didn't tell me there would be presents?!" Haha. It never occurred to me that he had never been to a shower and might not know! His grandmother later remarked, "Adam, what did you think they were going to shower you with? Rain?!" So priceless!

Never Once

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

With tears in my eyes, I think about my past four years at Ouachita Baptist University... During my first semester, I questioned whether it was really God's will for me to be here. By my second semester, I couldn't have imagined being anywhere else. It has been a long road and I have worked very hard to get to this point. Graduation is upon us and my heart is full of bittersweet emotion. There are questions... Will I remain close with my friends? Will I see them often.. or ever? Am I really prepared to face "life after Ouachita"? Will I miss school? Have I made the most of my time here? Etc, etc. But beyond all of those questions, I look back at how far I've come and without hesitation I can claim that my God has been faithful. I have never walked alone... He was there when I wanted to go home, when people let me down, and when I almost gave up my math major. And He was also there when I passed each class, when I received scholarships, and when Adam and I were engaged. These lists goes on and on. He has been faithful through the hard times and through the good, through my tears and my victories... My God is faithful. Never once did I ever walk alone.

Officially Employed

I received a phone call several weeks ago on a Thursday night. The principal at Ouachita High School asked if he presented my name to the School Board and they approved my employment, would I accept a position there? I had thought about my interview and the possibility of teaching at his school for a couple of weeks by then and so I quickly told him yes! He reminded me, "It's not over until it's over" and said that he would call the following day to let me know how the Board meeting went. On Friday morning, I received official word that I had been accepted for employment as a Math teacher at Ouachita High School. What an incredible blessing!!! Praise the Lord!

I've been waiting to blog or say anything publicly about this blessing from the Lord until I received my contract. It came in the mail yesterday, so all I have to do is sign and send it back!

Ouachita High School has 7th-12th grades. My position will most likely be 7th and 8th grade Math and Algebra 1. Now... God knew what He was doing, but as usual, I was clueless. For the majority of my college career, I would have told you that I absolutely did not want to deal with middle school-ers, that it was too much drama, and that my place was definitely with 9th-12th graders. Then God gives me this job! And I was thrilled and thankful without a doubt, but I didn't realize just how good He was being until just this week...

My second rotation of student teaching is at Goza Middle School. I work in an 8th grade math classroom and I have grown to LOVE middle school! Who knew?! Clearly, God did. Yesterday, I stood in a room full of 8th graders (students that I would have tried to avoid a month ago) and thought "I'm so glad that I'm here. I truly can't imagine being anywhere else." Thank you, God!!! He is so good. He always knows what's best.

Easter Sunday

He is risen. He is risen indeed!

Is there anything else to say? What an incredible day. Our pastor this morning spoke on "The Road to Emmaus." How heavy their grief must have been as the two walked home that day... Similar to going home from a funeral of someone you love. The void in your heart, the heaviness, the hopelessness...

I watched a documentary recently where the commentator shared a childhood story. His mother had revealed to him that Superman wasn't real and he immediately broke into tears. He cried for days. His mother assumed that he was upset in the same way that a child is upset when learning that Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny isn't real... But the commentator explained that, in actuality, he was upset because he was afraid. He grieved the realization that if someone wanted to hurt you... if someone backed you in a corner, Superman could not come save you. In his eyes, if Superman didn't exist, then there was no one powerful enough to protect him. I imagine that this could have been how the people felt the day Jesus died. He was the only one who seemed powerful enough to save them and to protect them... But then He was dead.

I am so thankful that the story doesn't end there. Jesus arose from the grave. Much to the surprise of the people, He was ALIVE! He was walking and talking with them. Can you imagine Cleopas trying to tell that story later? "What do you mean you didn't recognize that He was Jesus?" "Wait, He just disappeared?" "You didn't ask Him when He's coming back?" Haha. I'm sure the questions were endless, but they didn't really matter. What did matter was that Jesus was alive.

And Jesus is alive today! Hallelujah, what a Savior!

Observations

As part of my student teaching, I am observed 4 times by one of my OBU professors and 4 times by my Cooperating Teachers (2 from each). This is a total of 8 times over the course of this semester that someone watches me teach and fills out a detailed "observation form." Although intimidating to know that someone is watching my every move for a whole class period, these observations have been very positive experiences for me. My OBU professor has been extremely encouraging and supportive. She provides criticism only when it is constructive and she quickly follows it by praise for something I've done well. During our meetings, she has consistently asked how she can pray for me or if there's anything she can do for me. What a blessing!!! When we finish, I not only feel more equipped as a teacher but also refreshed as a person.

Today was no exception. I taught all day and Mrs. Pool observed me during my last class of the day. She encouraged me that my math skills are strong and that my activities planned today were effective. But we also talked about being more patient with "wait time" and making more of an effort to bring in EVERY student to participate... Now they're 8th graders. Let's be honest, some of them don't want to be brought in! Haha. But as a teacher, it is my responsibility to reach out to every single one of them. Some of those that you think don't want to be brought in are the ones who need it the most!

As a side note, I LOVE teaching. It can be hard... It's exhausting... It can be frustrating and sometimes repetitive. But I am so thankful that God saw fit to call me here. I am growing as a Christian and as a teacher. He always knows best... Even when I doubted Him. Thank you, Lord, for preparing me and equipping me.

P.S. Feel free to remind me of all this when I'm freaking out during my first year of teaching ;)