Through the Storm

Read Psalms 107:1-3, 23-32, & 43.

Did you read it? No, seriously... Read! (Clicking on "Read!" will take you to Bible Gateway. I've already searched the passage for you and everything.)

Psalm 107 has a rhythm to it. There are a few verses telling a story about heartache, fear, or trouble quickly followed by two phrases: "Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress... Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man!" This happens four times. As I heard the passage referred to above on Sunday, the image that came to mind was of another story. A New Testament story. Does anything come to mind? There are a couple of stories that would fit, but the one that came to me was when Jesus calmed the storm on Galilee. It's found in Mark 4:35-41.

Read Mark 4:35-41. ...  Read!

There are a couple of things that stand out to me in this passage. 1) Jesus told them in verse 35 where they were going - to the other side. There was a destination, a plan, a purpose before they ever sailed out. 2) The disciples question: "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" They trusted this man. They had given up everything to follow this man, this Jesus. Now they are afraid and they begin to question everything. Does this sound familiar? 3) Jesus' questions: "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?"

I’ve recognized that one of my idols is security. I desperately want to be safe, to know what’s coming around the bend. I hate when I can’t predict what will happen next - from a meeting at work to the future with my husband. I do love adventure, but only when I’m the one in control.

Recently my emotional security was threatened and I felt very alone. It’s difficult to explain the circumstances and I will not try, but I became very angry at God. Why would He allow this? Why didn’t He protect me from this? Surely this pain wasn’t what He intended for ME. In my anger I cried with the disciples, "Teacher, do you not care?!"

Then on Sunday, I heard Jesus ask me these questions: “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?”

Remember in Mark that it was Jesus’ idea to get in the boat. He told the disciples that they should cross to the other side. He knew they would travel through the storm. He knew the disciples would become afraid and that their security would be threatened. Yet He told them to go anyway. I believe the disciples' faith was worth their insecurity. Their growth was worth the fear. And I'm learning that the same is true in my own life. God's faithfulness and steadfast love are enough to sustain me through the storm.

Arthur Benjamin & Inspiring Math

 

There are many things that I find difficult about teaching, but two of them are planning for a substitute teacher and inspiring my students.

1) Planning lessons for a substitute is really hard for me! I stress about whether my directions are clear enough, if the students will have enough time or if there will be extra time, if the substitute will even read my plans, etc.

2) Inspiring my students. Math gets a bad rapport with many students long before they ever enter my classroom. Many students have already decided that math is too hard for them, that they'll always be poor students in math. And I so desperately want to show them that it doesn't have to be that way! I believe that all students can learn - more specifically, all students can learn math! But helping them believe that for themselves is something that I struggle with.

So when I found this video by Arthur Benjamin, I was really excited - Arthur is interactive, inspiring, and he loves math! What more could a math teacher ask for?! I hope you enjoy the video as much as I did.

While I was away with the 8th graders in D.C., I left this video along with a response sheet for my 7th grade PreAlgebra class and my Geometry classes. Here are a handful of responses from my student when asked about inspiration. Hopefully I can build on these!

• “The number patterns are really cool and how they build upon each other. This shows us how amazing and diverse everything is and how immaculate God is for creating this."

• “I am not only inspired by math, but also my teacher. Having a great teacher (Mrs. Gosnell) helps the students to learn more math. You rock!”

• “Doing math inspires me to think harder and inquire different angles and viewpoints of life’s many situations and decisions."

• “Math inspires me to learn the world around us. By learning new equations/problems in math, it inspires me o learn about problems in the world around us.”

• “Mrs. Gosnell is an inspiration to me. You can see clearly how much she loves math and wants to share her knowledge with us.”

• “Personally when complex concepts all of a sudden click, I find it really cool. Also how things become so complex is really neat.”

• “I love the patterns in math. Fibonacci numbers are a perfect example of this. Patterns are inspiring.”

• “Math poses a challenge that one must strive to overcome. It inspires one to think critically and creatively and find patterns between numbers.”

• “The challenge of going through the hardships of finding an answer.”
  

"Let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving..."

Mary's responsibility at home is to clean up the dishes after supper. She does so faithfully each night. One night Mary's parent serves grilled cheese for dinner. "How dare you serve me grilled cheese? I've done the dishes every night. I never complain and I even put clean out the sink! I deserve much more than grilled cheese for dinner!"

It's not a perfect illustration, but I was Mary earlier this week. You see Adam and I left everything we knew and moved to MA, we live in seminary housing with no dishwasher, and I (mistakenly) thought that I was doing God a favor. Then on Friday, I woke up to water spots in our ceiling and water dripping into our apartment from the window. We put towels down to dry up the water as much as we could and Adam waited on maintenance while I headed to work. A couple of hours later I received a text from Adam... Maintenance said they can't do anything right now - told us to soak it up as best you can and wait until it gets warmer. My reaction was something like this: "Wait until it gets warmer?! Are you kidding me? This is where we live. How dare they expect us to live here while water leaks in!"

Later I began reading an article about the work that Compassion International has done in Haiti since the Tsunami in 2010. I read of families completely displaced from their homes and others who moved back in only to deal with constant leaks and major damage. Ugh. What about my situation made me think that I was doing God a favor? How could I ever think that my sacrifice of ashes could compare to the riches of heaven that He owns?

Psalm 51:16-19, "For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Do goo to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar."

Psalm 54:6-7, "With a freewill offering I will sacrifice to you; I will give thanks to your name, O Lord, for it is good. For he has delivered me from every trouble, and my eye has looked in triumph on my enemies."

Do you see it? God is pleased with our sacrifice when it comes from thanksgiving, from humility - realizing the help that He has provided us, realizing His salvation in our lives. God doesn't need anything from us (Ps. 50:12). Our sacrifice is not a favor to Him. God doesn't owe us anything. Our sacrifice is a thanksgiving, it's all we can offer when we realize how much God has done for us!

Abba, I am humbled. I am honored to serve you, to offer what little I have to you. Forgive me for a haughty attitude, for thinking that I deserved a place of honor. You are my helper, my salvation. You are the reason that I live, the reason that I have any blessing in this life. Thank you for accepting my sacrifice of thanksgiving.

From Winter to Spring

As I was driving home this week through the snowy tunnels that are the roads these days I was struck by how endearing New England is to me. It sounds a little crazy to say at this time of year. One day this week the temperature outside wass 3 degrees and felt like -6 degrees. The forecasted temperature for 7 a.m. (when I will be leaving for work) was -1... I learned that my car will in fact show negative degrees! The forecast for this weekend is snow, snow, and more snow... This only adds to the 2+ feet that already covers the ground. And yet... New England is my home. It's truly beautiful and I can't help but feel attached.

The snow is weighing down the trees and their branches are bent low to the ground as a result. Most of the smaller bushes are completely covered, perhaps a small branch peaking out here or there. There is nothing the snow doesn't touch (Lion King, anyone?). To say it takes over is an understatement... Yet in spite of its suffocating touch, I am reminded that Spring will come again. It's one of the reasons I love New England. One day, not too far from now,  the temperatures will rise to 70s and 80s. After winter has forced most of us indoors, Spring and Summer will pull us out again. The sunshine will finally break through the clouds (to stay) and it will begin to melt the snow. Green grass will grow again. I enjoy the winter season more than some (and less than others), but oh how I look forward to Spring! Take heart, New England!

The turn from Winter to Spring is powerful to watch... And it reminds me of our great God - how he sees a weary soul, bent over by the cruelty of sin, darkened by hopelessness. He takes that soul and shines His Son over the darkness, healing us from sin. It's even more beautiful than Spring time!

Seminary Life

As I sit comfortably (and safely) on our couch, watching the blizzard unfold outside, I can't help but reflect on our experiences here at seminary. I wrote a large portion of this post last Summer but it was never finished, so forgive me if the time references are confusing. For the record, we moved to Gordon-Conwell July 1, 2013. Adam is now half way (3 semesters) through a three year Masters of Divinity program.

I've often heard people talk about their time spent at seminary in the same way they talk about their time spent at college. They use phrases like "sweet memories," "lifelong friendships," "I wish I could go back," etc. Now that we've been here a year, I think I can say that Adam and I will likely use similar phrases in the future. In this year, we have made many sweet memories and have developed friendships that I anticipate will last a lifetime.

But like anything in life, seminary has also had its challenges. When we first moved to Gordon-Conwell (although I'm thankful we had a relatively easy transition), I felt distanced from God, alone in my spiritual journey, and spiritually, somewhat depressed. A friend shared with me something that someone shared with her when she first moved here: Sometimes when one experiences change in so many areas of life at once (regional change, relational change, etc), your spiritual growth can be sort of stunted. This was comforting to me and I have finally begun to come out of the fog in the past couple of months. Adam also experienced a difficult transitional phase when his Fall semester classes were... well, the semester as a whole left a lot to be desired. There was a lot of fear and unrest that accompanied those feelings.

Seminary is also a blessing in many ways. I mentioned the friendships we have developed - many of those are from our apartment building and the one next to ours. Living on campus is a huge blessing financially, but also culturally. We live alongside like minded people who understand the lifestyle we've chosen because they've chosen one similar. Another blessing is Adam's growth and learning. During the Spring semester, Adam said he felt more academically challenged than he had ever felt before. It's not secret that my husband LOVES learning and seminary provides him amazing opportunities to do just that.

Blessings and challenges. I suppose the sentiment applies to most areas of life, but this is how we've seen them at seminary. God is continuously faithful and we are thankful for His constant presence as we walk through this journey.

Becoming Anglican

When we first visited Christ The Redeemer Anglican Church (CTR), I remember telling Adam, "I don't know if I could do this every week." The service felt much like a Catholic service - Priests, vestments, kneeling, bells, etc. This type of worship was new to me. I was so worried about whether I was supposed to be kneeling or standing, speaking aloud or listening, so distracted by the "bells and smells" that I couldn't worship.

As the certificate above shows, I figured it out :) After that first service, we were invited to the church picnic, but we chose not to attend. Then Adam chatted with Father Tim (the head priest) one day on campus and we visited CTR again. We were then invited to Father Tim's home for a "Get-to-Know CTR" gathering. It was at this gathering that God first began to change my heart regarding the idea of attending Christ the Redeemer. I ended up in a discussion with a small group of women and as they talked, the conversation turned to CTR services. The phrase "You encounter God every week" stirred my heart and I found the idea of walking away from a conversation like that and NOT attending their church very difficult.

So we began attending. Adam was head over heels for the Anglican order of worship, but I found myself still hesitant. Although I learned quickly when to stand and kneel, speak aloud and listen, I still felt isolated from the richness of worship that I heard others speak of. It took a long time... But as time passed, I slowly began to understand and God continued the work of softening my heart toward the Anglicans. I learned how our process for receiving communion reflected the story of salvation. I began to appreciate saying the Nicene Creed every week, renewing our belief in God. I learned that the bells remind us of celebrating the resurrection. I began to appreciate the rich theology of work and calling. I learned that the asperging of water reminds us of our baptism. I finally began to worship well with the Anglicans.

So here we are! Today, Adam and I were confirmed. In short, confirmation is a laying on of hands, an ordination for the lay person. The bishop prayed for each of us and then for our marriage, commissioning us to do the work of the Lord in our every day lives. It was awesome! We are blessed to be a part of this church and blessed to be a part of the service of the Lord. Peace be with you.

Every Day Life: November 7, 2014

The alarm on my phone goes off at 5:13 a.m. I shut it off, knowing that another one will sound in seven minutes. The second alarm goes off at 5:20 a.m. I press snooze without really thinking about it. Another alarm sounds and I hit snooze again. I don't HAVE to be up right now... And it's Friday, so I can wear jeans anyways. Why the idea of wearing jeans is synonymous with getting ready in less time, I can't really explain. Finally, I'm up at 5:38 a.m.

For the next hour and twenty minutes, I shower and dress, pack my lunch (tuna, crackers, cheese, carrots w/ ranch, & a granola bar for snack), eat a bowl of cereal, and head out the door. Oh, I also move Adam's phone to beside the bed and check that he has an alarm set. He stayed up late the night before and left it in the living room.

On the way to work, I listen to K-Love. It takes me around 20 minutes to get to work in the mornings and I arrive at 7:25. At 7:35, I meet with several other upper school faculty members for morning prayer. I haven't been to morning prayer for one reason or another this week, so I make a point to go this morning. Homeroom begins at 7:55. It's amazing to me how awake and talkative 13-year-olds are before 8 a.m. The students comment that many of us are wearing the same t-shirt (We wear Spirit Wear every Friday). My colleague and I get distracted catching up with students, so we skip our usual devotional and he says a quick prayer over the students' day.

I teach Algebra 1 during first period today. My lesson feels disjointed. I find myself frustrated that students need help with an assignment. When students are almost finished, I realize that I've misread the question and given them poor directions. They were still able to practice finding the slope of a line, so I decide not to fix my misreading and try to move on to the next thing. We finish the lesson a smidge early and play a game called "Rule" for the last three or four minutes.

I have second period free and then teach different levels of Geometry during third and fourth period. My students tell me they don't like Geometry, but they like my class - I'll take that as a compliment :) They also like folding and cutting, so I try to trick them into learning as often as possible. One minute they're cutting up paper and the next minute, they prove that the interior angles of a triangle have a sum of 180 degrees. This is one thing I enjoy about teaching Geometry - it's easier to find hands-on things for my students to do.

I'll stop here for now because this post is becoming rather lengthy. Why do I tell you about my day in this much detail? Do you really care what I listen to on the radio every morning or when my Geometry classes meet on Friday? Maybe not, but this is normal life for me. This is the day in and day out. There are days (like Tuesday) when I allow my frustration from first period to carry into the rest of my day, when I come home questioning my career choice, when I'm emotionally vulnerable because all I can think about is my soul friend's new baby 1,000 miles away... But there are also days like November 7 that begin with prayer, days when my students recognize community because we're all wearing the same t-shirt, and when my frustration from first period is eclipsed by success a couple of periods later. Days like these are the days worth remembering.