Kaitlin's Bridal tea was on Friday morning, August 12, at 11:30. So Adam and I left Arkadelphia at 7:45 headed to Memphis. As I stretched out my legs, I realized I had missed a spot shaving. It was a small spot and unnoticeable unless you had touched me, but it bugged me! As the ride continued, I was stressed out about being late for Kaitlin's tea and generally anxious. I pulled into a gas station and became frustrated with someone who pulled in the opposite way. In a very calm and loving tone, Adam turned to me and said "Stop stressing. It's not a big deal. Everything's going to be fine." I knew he was right and after I calmed down, we talked about it. 1) Kaitlin is very sweet and gracious. She would simply be glad that I made it and she would not be concerned by my late arrival. 2) The other person at the gas station might have been late as well or they might have been about to run out of gas! 3) I realized that my desire to be on time reflected once again a "need" to be perfect. 4) Even if Kaitlin had been upset or angry with me, my relationship with God is far more important. And my attitude at the gas station reflected a lack of trust in Him and also a lack of respect for other people whom He has commanded me to love.
NEWS FLASH... I am not perfect. I've never been perfect. I will never be perfect (on this Earth). In fact, secretly, I don't want to BE perfect- I just want other people to think I'm perfect.
But what I should desire is God's glorification through my actions and in my life. This experience humbled me. I realized that I cannot be perfect and more importantly my perfection is not the goal. My only goal is to glorify God and I don't want to hinder that by focusing on myself or trying to make myself look better. Next time I am late or I miss a spot while shaving, maybe it will serve as a reminder: I am not perfect and this life is not about me.
With school now fully in swing, I struggle with this daily. I want to be the best math student; I want to speak up confidently and knowledgeably in class; I want to wear the right styles; I want to do everything and be superwoman… But I can’t. As frustrating as it may become, that’s okay. I’m learning continually that this life is not about me.
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