Discontinued Dreams?

Have you ever worked really hard for something? Have you ever devoted years of your life to one goal, one dream? Have you ever reached the apex of that goal only to realize it may not be everything you thought it would be? Welcome to 2nd semester, Senior year. Welcome to my life.

I try not to be a dramatic person. My fiance' may tell you otherwise, but I promise I try! :) I know that my opening lines sound pretty dramatic, but it's truly how I feel right now. For almost 5 years, I have wanted to be a high school math teacher. For 3.5 years, I've worked to become a high school math teacher. I've spent many long hours sitting in class, listening, studying, trying to grasp everything that I'm supposed to be learning... And now. I'm at the apex. It's my Student Teaching semester and I'm supposed to begin seeing a small glimpse of the reward for all that work... But I confess, I don't know if this is what I want anymore. I confess that I'm not sure that this is what God has called me to do for the rest of my life.

Dr. Adrian Rogers said many times, "Never doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light." My Daddy suggests that maybe this time of uncertainty and questioning is my darkness. And perhaps he's right... But nevertheless, it's terrifying. I've been so sure of this one thing for so long and now I'm not sure anymore. I've asked God to lead my steps, to show me where He wants me to serve "post-college," and to bring me comfort. I trust that He will answer those prayers.

This week I begin teaching. I'll prepare 2 lessons each day and teach 6 classes of students (four Algebra 3 classes and two Precalculus classes). I'm looking forward to beginning this part of my internship and I hope that this process will begin to show me where God wants me. Will I be a math teacher after this semester? I don't know yet. For now, I'm taking it one day at a time. Regardless of the future, God has placed me here for a reason and I will do everything I can to live for His glory no matter what my present job is.