Discontinued Dreams?

Have you ever worked really hard for something? Have you ever devoted years of your life to one goal, one dream? Have you ever reached the apex of that goal only to realize it may not be everything you thought it would be? Welcome to 2nd semester, Senior year. Welcome to my life.

I try not to be a dramatic person. My fiance' may tell you otherwise, but I promise I try! :) I know that my opening lines sound pretty dramatic, but it's truly how I feel right now. For almost 5 years, I have wanted to be a high school math teacher. For 3.5 years, I've worked to become a high school math teacher. I've spent many long hours sitting in class, listening, studying, trying to grasp everything that I'm supposed to be learning... And now. I'm at the apex. It's my Student Teaching semester and I'm supposed to begin seeing a small glimpse of the reward for all that work... But I confess, I don't know if this is what I want anymore. I confess that I'm not sure that this is what God has called me to do for the rest of my life.

Dr. Adrian Rogers said many times, "Never doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light." My Daddy suggests that maybe this time of uncertainty and questioning is my darkness. And perhaps he's right... But nevertheless, it's terrifying. I've been so sure of this one thing for so long and now I'm not sure anymore. I've asked God to lead my steps, to show me where He wants me to serve "post-college," and to bring me comfort. I trust that He will answer those prayers.

This week I begin teaching. I'll prepare 2 lessons each day and teach 6 classes of students (four Algebra 3 classes and two Precalculus classes). I'm looking forward to beginning this part of my internship and I hope that this process will begin to show me where God wants me. Will I be a math teacher after this semester? I don't know yet. For now, I'm taking it one day at a time. Regardless of the future, God has placed me here for a reason and I will do everything I can to live for His glory no matter what my present job is.

Student Teaching: Day 1

I don't feel like there's much to say, but it's important to document "firsts," so here I am :) We have had Student Teaching Orientation for the past two days and today was our first day at our schools. For the next six week, I am working with Juniors and Seniors at Arkadelphia High School. It will prove challenging, but I am taking everything one day at a time.

Orientation was overwhelming and I'm afraid I'll never remember everything we were told. However, I felt more like a professional when I finished which was part of the goal. Our professors emphasized that we are no longer considered students. We're working in the field now and we should consider ourselves professionals. It's  extremely daunting, but I think it was important to know that before we began.

My first day... I experienced "duty" first thing. Basically I stood in the gym with my CT (cooperating teacher) and supervised kids. Not hard. I met a couple of the other teachers and also some of the students. My first assignment was to write questions for the students' assigned reading as my CT had planned to be out for the afternoon. I spent most of the day observing my CT and trying to talk to students when I could. I forget that they are my students... I told one student "thanks girl" after she showed me to the teacher's lounge. Oops! Anyways, in many ways, I feel like I'm "just visiting" right now, but I hope that will improve over the next few days. I guess I had more to say than I thought! Overall, I felt like the first day was successful. Here's to tomorrow and the next six weeks!

Wrap It Up

What are we wrapping up? Christmas break. Put a nice little bow on top and save it for next Christmas, because this year's is over. Adam and I got back to Arkadelphia last night. I'm completely unpacked and somewhat organized for the semester.

Christmas break seemed to pass so quickly and last forever all at the same time. Doesn't it always? Adam and I spent 1 week in Memphis with my family, 2 weeks in El Dorado with his family (including a trip to Illinois to see extended family), and 1 more week with my family. The last week with my family was spent in Jackson, TN because my parents have finally moved! Here's a short list of some of the things we did over break:

-slept (a lot!)

-spent time with family

-played SkyRim (I'm a Warrior. Who knew I would like killing trolls and dragons?!)

-assembled a bookshelf

-completed our wedding registries

-sent out save-the-dates

-read (Shades of Blue by Karen Kingsbury and Nights in Rodanthe by Nicholas Sparks)

-watched movies

-bought a Nativity for our apartment next Christmas

How do you spend your time off?

And so Christmas break ends and this semester begins. This semester is bittersweet for me. Student teaching is supposed to be the culmination of everything I've learned and accomplished in college so far, but right now it feels like a dark cloud looming over me. I'm anxious and wary of everything it will hold for me. Ready or not, I'm set to graduate on May 12. Although I'm excited about this achievement and all that God has brought me through, I feel unprepared to face "life after college." A sweet friend told me when I first got to college that God would challenge and grow me here. He has. The friend also told me that when it was time to leave, God would have completely prepared my heart. I trust that she's right. God will prepare my heart and He will carry me through this last semester.

Neopolitan Cupcakes

My first baking endeavor of the year was a recipe off of... (Get ready)... Pinterest! Of course :) My future brother-in-law will be turning 19 tomorrow and it seemed like a great excuse for something sweet! So I made Neopolitan Cupcakes.

Aren't they pretty?! My frosting didn't look as good as theirs, but they were still delicious!!! Here's the recipe. I'm copying from here. The only exception is using a strawberry cake mix and vanilla frosting. I made 24 cupcakes. I possibly could have stretched it to 30 or 36, but my brownie mix was running pretty low and we didn't need that many cupcakes!

1 package brownie mix
2 eggs
1/2 cup canola oil
1/4 cup water
1 package strawberry cake mix
2 tablespoons canola oil
1 1/3 cup water
3 egg whites
Vanilla frosting

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line muffin cups with paper liners.
2. Mix brownie mix, 2 eggs, 1/2 cup canola oil, and 1/4 cup water in a bowl.
3. In a separate bowl, mix strawberry cake mix, 2 tablespoons canola oil, 1 1/3 cup water, and 3 egg whites. (The recipe says to use an electric mixer, but my sweet fiance' was my mixer).
4. Spoon the brownie batter into muffin cups, filling each cup 1/3 full. Spoon cake mix over brownie batter until each cup is 2/3 full.
5. Bake in preheated oven until golden and the tops spring back when lightly touched, about 20 minutes.

Enjoy! And happy birthday to Ryan Gosnell!!!

Make Life Simpler

In front of the student center at OBU, there are a set of stairs that are extremely short and shallow - obnoxiously so. A couple of months ago Adam and I realized that these steps force us to slow down. It is impossible to run up or down them, at least not without the risk of falling. So in some small way, we've tried to learn to appreciate them. I especially tend to walk at a very quick pace all the time... Sometimes when I get across campus, I wonder why I'm out of breath! I'm trying to learn to slow down and "take in the music."

I read this blog today: 60 Ways To Make Life Simpler. The things on this list should be common sense, but reality is they aren't. Some of them are hard and you have to work at them... or at least I do! I thought they were worth reading and thinking about.

1) Don't try to read other people's minds. Don't make other people read yours. Communicate.

2) Don't waste your time on jealousy. The only person you're competing against is yourself.

3) Ask someone if you aren't sure.

4) Smile often, even to complete strangers.

5) However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. Accept this simple fact.

These were just a few of my favorites and things that seemed immediately applicable to me. Perhaps these will become New Year's Resolutions...

Tuesday Thanksgivings

I am blessed beyond words. I wanted to take a few moments to share some of the things I'm especially thankful for this evening...

1) Forgiveness, both from my heavenly Father and the loved ones around me.

2) The Jackson house. My parents have purchased a new house and will be moving within the next couple of weeks. Although this brings a lot of changes, I am excited for them and pray that God continues to offer His blessing.

3) Christmas, celebrating the birth of Christ.

4) The Gosnells. My future in-laws treat me just like I am their own daughter and I am so blessed. I love them very much and will be honored to officially become a part of their family very soon!

5) Sleep. I have come to understand that sleeping easily and well is a gift.

6) Skype dates with Rachel Schelb. LOVE them :)

7) Christmas break. I love spending extra time with Adam and not feeling rushed or pressured to be anywhere.

8) Teacher clothes! Although student teaching is somewhat daunting at the moment, I must admit that I am looking forward to a different wardrobe and feeling more "professional."

9) Pinterest. Let's be honest, I'm planning most of my wedding via Pinterest pictures and ideas.

10) Finally, I am thankful that in exactly 200 days, I will stand beside my best friend in the whole world and say "I do." I can't wait!!!

The Power of Prayer Part 2

Adam and I are on a break from school - FINALLY :) We are spending this first week with my family in Memphis. So this morning, I went with my Dad to Evangel Church where Larry Ray is pastor. Little did I know after my earlier blog post that the sermon would be on prayer! I would like to share a couple of sections of my notes from this sermon.

Larry said that if our prayer life is to be more effective, we must understand 3 things:

   1) honesty; understand that we don't have to be phony before the throne. Tell God how you feel, even if those feelings aren't "holy" or "right" at the time.

   2) prayer is a learned skill; it is NOT easy to pray. It takes time to learn effective prayer. That being said, God still listens to us as we're learning. Thankfully!

   3) effective prayers are Biblical; learn what, how, when to pray from the Bible.

Some of Larry's practical tips for prayer:

   *Learn to pray out of a devotional time... Pray what you learn from God's word. Further, pray God's word.

   *As a starting place for praying the scriptures, pray the Psalms and the first chapter of Paul's epistles.

   *Pray for others whatever you're praying for yourself.

   *During prayer, take 10 seconds to be quiet.

   *Don't underestimate the power of short prayers.

"We don't pray because we make it too hard."